Wednesday, August 30, 2006

Oh My Dog! Mr. David Hsu



发信人: HYINCHEN (abt.david.hsu), 信区: Overseas
标 题: 我的爱恨情愁,祭奠我失去的青春,兼揭露一个丑恶的男人
发信站: BBS 未名空间站 (Tue Aug 29 07:26:36 2006)

真的无法想象这段让自己死去活来的爱情会这样闹剧般的收场。但是没有办法,唯一活下去的办法,就是要勇敢正视自己的过去,好好收拾心情,记录一下过去,然后彻底关闭这一页,再重新出发。

我的故事会很长,但是会耐心把它讲完。

这张脸带给我一生的梦魇

徐雄伟(a.k.a. david hsu, hsiongwei hsu ,上海著名学府上海中学毕业,USTC 814 81级毕业)先生和我是在网路上认识的。 2002年的春天,我已经拿到美国几所大学的Offer正在踌躇选择之中。那个时候很闲,经常在网上逛。那个时候的 sina英语聊天室很热闹,常有在海外的学生,我在那里得到了很多有关留学的建议,当然也收获了一生最大的梦魇:徐雄伟先生。

徐先生开始和我搭话的时候,很不同,"显得"笨笨慢慢的,好像很少进聊天室的样子。得知我将到美国去学习,他很兴奋的说自己就是 NYU (new york university) 毕业的,问我为什么不申请NYU。(当然后来知道他这个NYU ,也是自封的,为了更靠近名校,他把自己就读的 CUNY (City University of New York)技巧性"合并"到NYU 了。)话题从读书开始,发展到生活的各个角落。很快我们就熟悉了,从网上发展到电话。后来他很"碰巧"来N城办事情,就见面了。不得不承认,徐先生是个很有味道的男性,年纪很成熟但看起来年轻,非常有女人缘。我直今还清楚的记得他那张给我带来一生梦魇的笑脸。但当时他的"成熟成功"男人的气质却足以让一个从来没有严重感情经历的小姑娘昏头。他当时关于感情方面的自我介绍是由于一直忙学业和事业,所以虽然有不足道的小花边但从来没有真正爱过,非常的渴望真爱。

那个时候,我正在准备签证,徐先生作为过来人给了我很多的意见,还亲自陪我去N城签证,这点我要感谢他。后来,他又多次来 N城"看"我。校园里那些懵懂男生的暗示,怎么及得过他这样直接而热烈的追求呢?虽然身边有善意的提醒,我已经完全迷失了。认为自己终于找到真爱了。和徐先生在一起的时候,真的很幸福,他会让你觉得很贴心,给很多好像很现实的承诺,当时他告诉我要亲自送我到美国,帮我在学校好好安顿,还给了很多学业上的建议。后来这些承诺全部没有实现,当然他回来见我的时候有着非常充足的解释,还身陷爱中的我,继续信了他足足 4 年多。当然我知道我这4年,在他所欺骗的众多女性中根本不算什么,但那是我生命中本应该最年轻灿烂的4年呀。每每想起来,还觉得私心裂肺的痛。那是一种由心理牵动生理的痛,一点点的撕碎裂开,到无法呼吸。

第一次的意外失望

在徐先生一次一次提出要安排我到美国的行程之后,我不得不答应了,毕竟自己男朋友嘛。但是看到 bbs 留学版上一批一批人订票,一批一批人发贴找同行出发者时,我有点着急了。徐先生一再保证,一定没问题,他电话旅行社一下就可以了。但是终于等到不能再拖的时候,他却消失了,我电话也找不到他,只知道他在Z城出差。没办法,只好自己手忙脚乱的订了票,等我都搞定了,他的电话也终于打过来了,解释是他在做一个很大很重要的项目,实在没时间。而且他已经帮我联系了直达的电子票,还担心我会不会用。我还是选择了自己订的票。

离开中国的那天,他没有来机场送我,但在电话里甜蜜的保证,我将很快的看到他出现在我的门口。我虽然很失望,但是对他还是很牵挂的,女孩子第一次陷进去的时候,是很难决绝的转身就走的,也许这和我的性格也有关系吧。我还记得上飞机之前一条一条的删掉手机里他给我的短信的时候那种依依不舍的心情。他写的短信直击人心但又不会缠绵到肉麻。我以前曾经把他们一条一条摘抄下来,宝贝一样的存着,象我宝贝我们过往的每一个细节一样。现在看到这些只会更痛,其实我早已一字字把我们交流的点点滴滴都刻在心上,现在我能做的就是再一次努力的把这一切都抹去,心会象刀割过,盐酸腐蚀过一样痛,但除此之外我没有别的办法,因为我还要活下去。


一次次的失踪 失望 我的沉浮

等我到了学校才真真傻了眼,还要在门口迎接我的心上人呢,可我连门都找不到。由于没有象别人一样事先联系好,特别是由于我来的太晚了,我真的是连住的地方都找不到。我是晚上到的,第二天就去上课了,别说 orientation没参加,连倒时差的时间都没有,整整一个星期,人好像踩在云彩里。

其实想想和徐先生在一起的日子,都是不踏实的,幸福的时候会觉得整个世界都是你的,而他一次次突然消失的时候那种感觉更是超现实的不真实。

拜徐先生所赐,我读书的第一年里充满了这种令人难以置信却又欲罢不能的离奇感觉。他会在电话里一次次承诺保证,马上、 couple days就会来,甚至连 confirmed的itinerary都会给我发过来。但我还是一次次的失望,从开始的焦急,担心,到后来的神经质。每次承诺之后,他会马上消失,电话也找不到人,email也不回,把你一个人扔在那里担心他到死。然后估计你"折腾"的差不多了,他再出现,先是安慰道歉,然后解释他为了和你在一起多么的努力,情况多么的严峻,他是多么的不得以,总之最后你反而会是内疚的那一个,太不懂事了,小孩子脾气,然后他会很大度的原谅你,他的原话" I promised that I will love you and I will keep the promise." 象这样的话,在他给我的email里有很多,我保存着我们交往以来的通信,本来是想成为甜蜜的回忆,没想到却成了the constant reminder of my miseries 。

本来我可以把这段的来来回回写的很具体的,但是一看到过去那些信,整个人就会失控。我当时傻到把他给我的电话留言也一个一个折腾到电脑上存起来,当时只觉的惆怅,太想念了,觉 得爱的太艰难了。而且在他的谆谆善诱之下,学会了' follow my
heart',丝毫不舍得怀疑这份感情。他常常和我说的话是:人要有信仰 (You gotta have faith!) 。我倒是对爱持着信仰了,反讽的是到头来发现他的faith不过是追逐女性和肉体交流时的快感。这是我对他的信仰能找到的唯一解释了,在我后来发现他和一个又一个五花八门的女性交往之中,这是我所能找到的唯一共同之处。


天崩地裂,他居然是结过婚的

我最最难熬的时候是临近考试的时候,徐先生会突然来一次失踪,他这一手屡试不爽,我被这样的爱情折腾的生不如死。美国的学制和国内不同,一门课也会project, presentation,大essay, 小 essay的,每一项都要算进最后成绩的,在加上不时的大考小考,徐先生失踪的游戏经常和这些考试完美搭配,每次折腾完都让我筋疲力尽。

当这一切已经慢慢成为我生活中的常态的时候,徐雄伟先生又一次失踪了,这一次他决定来个大动作。那个时候我还没买手机,去上课的时候就接不到电话,所以我为了能及时接到他的电话,一下课就回家,就这样还是常常接不到他的电话,不知道为什么他总能找到我不在家的那段时间打电话!这次他先给我电话留言,语气很严肃,中国的生意发生了很严重的问题,他要消失很长一段时间,将没办法给我打电话了。我当时都傻了,从小家里的乖乖女,哪儿见过这场面呀,哭了多少就别提了,人已经不能正常运行了。就这样,我还是担心他比较多一点,因为知道他在中国一 个据他说黑道势力很强的省做生意,特别是他又追加了一封email告诉我他"have to run ",我就更没魂了,逃命呀这是,我还以为他得罪了什么道上的人呢。当时他所有的电话都已经完全打不通或者没人接了。六神无主的时候,我想到应该找人帮忙,我知道徐雄伟先生有个过去最好的同学还在美国,记得他来中国开过会,我只知道他的英文名字,反正费劲了九牛二虎之力终于在网上找到了Z先生的工作电话,冒冒失失就打了过去,没想到等待我的将是这样一个噩耗。 Z 先生先是安慰我david没事的,他总是这个样子,总能自己照顾好自己的。然后问我多大了,因为我声音确实听起来很小孩子。然后他说听david提过一个在这边读书的女孩子,应该就是我,又问我是不是david帮我办来美国的。天地良心呀,我要靠他连开学都差点耽误了。接着他很犹豫的问我,知道不知道 david结过婚还有孩子。我真的是当时直接就咣铛了,我都不知道是怎么把电话挂上的。几分钟后Z先生还又打回给我一次,可能是怕我出事情,我只是和他说自己现在不能讲话,我要挂电话了。

后面我自己是如何痛不欲生的,做了多少疯狂的事情,我已经不想回忆和形容了。因为多回忆一边就是多痛一边,我只是觉得难以置信 ,难道从前他所说的,所做的都是虚空?知道我的父母在知道我和他在一起之后强烈的反对,我在电话里讲到这里控制
不住哭的时候,他在电话的那一头急得不知如何是好,那一声" what did they DO to you!"是如此的揪心;我们在 N城街头牵手漫步,常常不知不觉的走出很远很远,他会语重心长的告诉我到美国后要做好学业上吃苦的准备;在每一次在机场接他和送行的时候,他会在我额头上轻轻的印一个吻,那么的自然而然的流露着爱。。。难道这都是假的?那么我所付出的感情又是什么,我信仰的爱情又成了什么呢?

好不容易恢复了一些,我写了信给他,告诉他我已经知道了,很抱歉在无意之中给他的家庭带来了困扰,自己为自己的天真付出了代价。付出的真爱就算作是教训吧,希望他下次不要再如此对别人轻易的承诺。

他的回信很简单 " a simple question. do you really feel that i love you? love you as always"

其实如果当时勇敢一点,或者多一些历练的话,坚决的分手,不再去看他的信,不再缅怀可能也就不会有后面的故事了。但女孩子第一次经历这种痛彻心扉的感情的时候 真的是无法自拔,我承认自己是一个冲动而又不够果断的人。我在 email上又和他来
回纠缠了很长一段时间。真的是做孽呀


这一次,他真的来了,以这样一种方式

灰色的生活继续着,那段日子太昏暗了,坐在校车上都会经常在不知不觉中泪流满面。我也试图使自己快乐起来,试图摆脱过去,开始新的生活。但是每次尝试新的交往,都因为自己太沉溺于过去,觉得不对劲,总之就是不合拍。

或许我是真的爱徐雄伟先生的,但是这样的爱是一种罪。又一个夏天到来的时候,我用疯狂购物来发泄自己,那个暑假我和一个好朋友几乎天天逛 mall,开车两小时之内,大大小小的mall都被我们逛遍了,屯了一堆只穿过一次的衣服,后来搬家的时候由于
徐先生说没用的衣服就不要了,都捐掉了。我如此的郁闷,是由于放春假前我大病了一场,当时差点坚持不住,就在准备休学回家的时候,徐雄伟先生居然又打电话来了。期间我搬过家,换过电话,虽然没有告诉他我的新电话,因为觉得没必要了,但这对他来说并不是问题。我那个时候有一种死而复生的感觉,一个以为一辈子都不可能再有音信的人,居然又出现了,他的声音在耳边响起的时候,我浑身颤抖。真的象做梦一样,是真的吗?他告诉我给我打了很久的电话都打不通,已经发了 email给我,他也生病了,梦到我们两个象过去一样,手拉手的笑,心都融化掉了,所以终于控制不住打了电话。他现在在N城,很顺利,马上就可以解决所有的问题来看我了。但是他没有,直到放假都没有,因为他在中国的情况又恶化了。

新学期刚开始的时候,我又搬家了。徐雄伟先生突然来电话,要我不要打电话给他了,太危险,他会电话给我的。然后就经常是在我凌晨的时候打来,还是要对方付费那种,我听了要认可同意付费才能接通。他告诉我,他现在很危险,要逃出中国,但是没有钱。由于权利斗争,他从公司里被人踢出来,而且还被陷害,中国国安局的人在抓他。让我帮他查一下机票的价钱。后来又很严肃的问我能不能汇点钱给他。态度很sharp, yes就yes, no 就no. 还一再强调他的命就在我的手里了。我真的是一点儿都没
有犹豫,按他的要求如数汇了钱过去。当时觉得交往一场,救命的钱总是要给的吧。哪儿料到等着我的是更深的沉沦。

终于在 2003年的9月,他真的来了,以这样的一种方式。还是我到机场去接他,由于没有地方可去,他暂时在我的学生公寓里安顿下来。


短暂的幸福,然后是新的梦魇

我问过徐雄伟先生他在中国到底有没有孩子和太太,他的回答是 "it's my business, i took care of it. remember, i live alone." 然后是更多对我们在一起的未来的承诺。刚刚在一起生活的时候,很幸福,虽然那个时候特别的穷,都靠我一个人的奖学金,但穷开心。紧接着的却是更多的恶梦,期间经历了很多不好的事情,包括一个女人最最不愿意面对的事情,然后徐先生以要继续在中国发展寻找机会的理由,再次回去了。当然他做的很漂亮,当时给我的感觉就是他为了我们的将来宁愿出生如死,再回去那样一个危险的地方去。我只有感动和支持的份儿。虽然从那个时候开始他不会长时间的失踪,但他的一切还是那么的神秘,那么的不可琢磨。其实我非常犹豫这一段写出来会对我的生活造成什么样的影响,我已经无法也无力再去回忆了,我宁愿选择失忆。我只截取过去我和徐先生的通信一则带过:


亲爱的david,

我不知道你现在在哪里。非常的担心你。你不想让我知道到底发生了什么事,我就强迫自己不去问。但我却控制不住地要去想你。因为控制不住自己的胡思乱想,没办法专心的做事,没办法入睡,没办法吃东西。所有的一切,我都没办法进行下去,这样的感觉真得太糟糕了。我又有好像第一年一个人来到美国的那种可怖的预感,好像你越来越远,我越来越看不清楚你,然后一下子,你就不见了。那一年是我一生中的梦魇,没有哪一天是真正开心的,一个人坐在公车上都会不知不觉地掉下泪来,每天每夜,不管我怎么祈求,怎么祷告,都没有你的消息。本来以为那种感觉已经永远的过去了,平时下意识的感觉到,也强迫地告诉自己,忘记吧,过去的事情忘记了就好了,可是现在他们又都回来了,是加了倍的排山倒海般的反扑过来。我就这样在绝望的边缘数日子,心中还是期冀能够再次见到你,有的时候又想,不如就这样算了吧,一个人悄悄的死掉,因为即使再次见到又怎么样呢?这种发自内心的不安全感,真的是可以治愈的吗?幻想过很多死的方式,查了很多资料,才发现真的要成功的自杀也是那么得不容易。我还能做什么呢?你说过,如果我真地想要死的话,就不会告诉你,即使现在你也还是不相信吧。可是如果,我的死能让你马上回来看我一眼,我真的真的愿意。怕的是,我身体冰冷之后,你却不知躲在世界的哪一个角落。你会回来看我吗?会替我收拾残局吗?你有勇气面对我父母的责问吗?我为什么还要提起我的父母呢 ,我又有什么脸面再去见他们呢?在我下定决心追随你而把他们抛在脑后的时候,我就已经预料到他们将会伤心的结局了吧。爸爸曾经认真地对我说过,他和妈妈对于我和姐姐最大的期望就是我们自己能生活的快乐。我为了追寻自己的快乐而抛弃了他们,也许因了我的自私,才正有现在这样的感受吧。和你在一起的每一分每一秒都是快乐的,可是这样的快乐背后又有多少无法言说又不可预计的痛苦呢?

有些事情是不能去想的。也是不该我想的吧。如果,只是如果,真的可以不想,生活就会简单,快乐也会容易吧。 控制不住的时候,就一个人哭一下。你也许会笑了,在电话里哭的还少吗?可是真正恸哭的时候你又在哪里呢?最最悲伤的时候,原来是哭
不出来的。

去年11 月,当决定拿掉我们第一个小孩的时候,我没有哭。 哭有什么用呢。 记得问过你,有没有孩子,你说不要问,只要记得你是一个人生活得就好。那么好,我不问,可是心里是明白的,你只是不要我的小孩吧。是我太懦弱,太自私,也太无耻。为了和你在一起,什么样的妥协我都可以。 排队手术的时候,觉得真可笑。旁边有个越南女孩,脏脏的,一身粉红衣服,纹了很深的眼线,一双手因为干活糙得不能看,一直在哭。她男朋友跑进来安慰了好几次,因她讲不好英文,特别的关照了医生和护士。再到里面,他便不得进来了,那女孩子坐在我的身边,一直的哭,也不换衣服。周围美国人,让我告诉她换手术的衣服,大概因为看我也是亚洲人吧。只好笑着解释我们的语言也不通的。看,我还笑得出来呢!看看周围的人,都是孩子一群一群,奇形怪状的黑人,墨西哥人,这些人居然把我和一个越南妹看作一类,难道不好笑吗?手术完了,从轮椅上醒来,觉得过了好久好久似的,被抬到床上休息的时候,给了饼干和橙汁,好像小时候吃的动物饼干那种,橙汁是冰的。当时真地想哭的,还是忍住了,因为对身体不好,为了让自己有点力气,努力的吃下饼干,咽下橙汁,对自己说将来还是会要孩子的,要我们的孩子。你不是说过我们要 4个小孩吗?2男2女,名字你都想好了的,不是吗?

告诉了护士你的名字,她寻了你几遍都不得,我说自己可以走的,她不放心,陪我到waiting room里,刚走到门口,便见你靠在窗边,睡得正香,阳光洒了一身,那个样子看得我心里暖暖的,眼泪又差一点掉下来。 还是忍住了,走过去,摇醒你,你抬头,
看见的是我的笑脸。回到暂住的酒店后,你下午还要工作,走之前替我泡了一碗面,当时真的觉得好饿,一碗方便面吃得津津有味。第 3天的时候,你便要离开了,走之前的时候,你还是要我,我并没有拒绝。我太爱你了,却不够自爱。还记得我讲给你听的一个梦吗?我怀孕了,你要我拿掉小孩。当时你笑着说不可能,如果我真的有了孩子你会高兴还来不及,可是事实就是这样不留情面的给了我们一记耳光。记得在诊所的时候,旁边一个白胖粗壮的西人女孩子一面比划,一面说到ultrasonic的时候看到孩子有指肚大小了。我的孩子有 7周了,我没勇气看他,不知道在变成齑粉的那一瞬间,那个小小的胚胎,会不会痛。从没有告诉过你,其实等你回来陪我上医院的那几天里,自己看得最多的是bbs上的育婴版,一边幻想或许可以生下来的,一边说服自己现在不是要孩子的时候。可是后来,在你后来租的公寓里,我在你的衣橱里发现你的离婚纸的时候,所有的一切才被证明,原来你真的有孩子的,原来你真的只是不要我的小孩,你第一个妻子在国内产下你们第一个孩子的时候,你们也是没有结婚的吧,你还是在远隔万里的大洋这边吧。我知道两者之间没有什么可比性,可是我不明白,真的不明白。即使这样,我还是不断地用自己的小幻想来满足自己,或许他是被原来的婚姻伤害得太深了吧,我自己也真的没有准备好当妈妈呀,而且他是真得很爱我呀。是的,你总是说我不明白你到底有多么的爱我,说我没有听你的安排做这个,做那个。我明白,我真得明白,如果不是因为明白你的爱,我不会坚持到现在。我也好希望你能看到我的努力,我真的尽了自己的一切所能来爱你。

有很多的伤害都是在无意之间造成的,或许小到对你来说并不值得一提,但我不是你,我们之间 16年的年龄差距虽然无法阻挡爱情,但是在现实的面前又是那么的不堪一击。我太青涩,太无知,又太过敏感。记得那次在纽约,第一次一个人在公寓里等你下班,电话响了,我犹豫了一下还是接了,是你干爹,听了我的声音他愕然,只说打错了便挂断了, 2分钟后电话又响,还是他,没说话便挂断了。当时我便明白了,好后悔,自己为什么这么多事呢?说是"我们"的公寓,就真地把自己当作主人了吗?还没来得及多想,你的电话便追来了,特别叮嘱以后再有电话不好接了。我能说什么呢,怯怯的答应了。几分钟电话果然又响,这回乖了,愣愣的看着,直到不出声。当时心里那个羞辱,无法形容,很多次我都想问你,我到底是你什么人,真得这么见不得人吗?当时好想理了行李走掉算了,可是我还是留下来了,因为真的害怕没有你的日子,可能我真得很无耻,记得你说过我shameless,当时自己还生了气,现在想想,实事求是有什么可气的,自己不争气,别人看不起你也是活该!后来我还自己安慰自己,自己苯苯的话都不会说,你干爹就是见了也不会喜欢的,何必惹大家不痛快呢,而且不论怎样,你还是爱我的呀,地下的爱情没有责任,更轻松,你那么累了,我就不要做你的包袱了吧。每一次,我都是这样告诉自己说,你还是爱我的,也知道我对你的爱,爱情从来都不是平等的,不要去计较,多包容一分,或许你便会多爱回我一点。我一直希望,自己所作的一切你都是明白的,你知道我有多么多么的爱你吗?

我知道自己的不完美,做错了很多事,不该偷偷翻看了你的旧文件,更不该进你的邮箱。因为实在是没办法了,想确定你还好好的,看看你的邮箱活动,起码能知道你还自由,还活着。才知道你还有个岳母,不知道这是你第几个妻的母亲。原来她也病了。可是我还是没有计较,因为那个时候还是相信你还会回来的,不是吗?你在电话里一遍遍地告诉我多么多么的想念我,多么的爱我,我不在乎别的所有的一切的不真实,只要你爱我。但是当你一次又一次的推迟归程的时候,我渐渐明白,我的爱情是多么的无力。你的父母双亲是你的责任,你的家庭(到现在我都无法确认那是怎样的一个家,他是否真真切切的存在)也是你的责任,你的事业也是你无法抛弃的,那么你对我的承诺又是什么呢?是我自己太看轻自己,凭着爱甘愿这样一次次的妥协。但是我真的不知道还能坚持多久。其实你不用害怕,我无法给你的家庭带来任何的伤害,如果你真地了解我的话会知道那也是我不屑去做的。更何况你把他们保护的是这样的好, tony sopranos的情人还寻了电话,打到家里来了呢,我只能对这空气发呆。还记得sopranos里,他的情人惹怒了他,他掐住了她的喉咙,她没有挣扎,反而祈求"kill me! kill me!" 是的,这就是我多少次梦里的情景了,就是死我亦宁愿死在你的手里。

我不知道为什么要写这样一封信,我知道你看到信的时候或许就是一切结束的时候。要知道那是我最最不愿面对的时刻,可是,我又没法强迫自己安静下来,太多的话,在心里藏了太久了,以至于当我真正想要诉说的时候,竟然有一种失语的感觉。我常常会回忆我们在一起的时光,从开始到现在,每一个细节都慢慢想过,甜蜜的痛苦的,一遍又一遍的重新经历,因为实在是舍不得就这样丢开手。而且,不知道从什么时候你已经成了我生活的重心,以至于我的一切,如果没有了你,我将怎么活下去呀!我还记得在机场里等你的情景,不论是原来在 N城,还是现在。好怀念你在我额头上轻轻的一吻,怀念眺望出口处时忐忑不安的心情。在N城的时候,几次去接你天气都不好,坐在机场巴士上,我竟有一种天昏地暗的感觉,难道一切已然注定,我们从开始就没有得到上天的祝福吗?告诉自己忘掉这种不开心的想法,天气只是天气而已。最快乐的一次,是第一次在这边的机场等你,心里还是惴惴的,那种兴奋却是无法言语的,那么久,那么难,还是让我等到了!现在想想,原来还是惘然。我已经那么那么用力的来爱了,甚至学会在每一次妥协的时候告诉自己不要觉得委屈,爱是没有回头路的,爱上你我从来没有犹豫,从来没有后悔过,难道这样也错了吗?我从来不介意和你一起吃苦。你刚来的时候,我们一起挤在一张小小的单人床上,一起睡硬硬的地板,我觉得快乐的不得了,虽然对未来也有忧虑,可是心里是踏实的,因为有你在身边。可是现在,是不是我又一次失去了你?我不知道自己做错了什么,可是我好怕,真的好怕,我已经在这里过了两个孤独的圣诞节了,虽然不是我们的节日,但那种别样的清冷和寂寞,却足以给一个原本悲伤的人雪上加霜了。我真的好害怕,今年又是这个样子。或许注定了我一生必然孤单,那么为什么,为什么又让我遇到你,为什么又让我们这样的相爱?

越写越乱了,还有很多的话,我写不下去了,也许你也看倦了吧。即使你要离开我,也要记得说再见,这是我唯一的要求。

love you till death,

c


我病倒了,也灰心了

我病倒了,是心理的病,对生活彻底的灰心了。我觉得没有什么希望了,自己清清白白的一个人,现在不清不楚的,都不知道成了一个什么怪物。

性格越来越怪异,本来你就不让我化妆,电头发,我索性邋遢起来。发展到最后,我连上课都不去了,每天最大的挑战是起床,醒来睁开眼睛就发呆,混混沉沉要斗争很久,等爬起来的时候已经下午 4、5点了,洗澡随便吃点东西之后就是等着你的电话,电话铃响过之后,再用这边的电话卡打回给你,因为这样比较省。如果你能多施舍我几分钟,我一天的心情就会好很多,如果哪一天没有你的电话便会坐卧不安。我已经完完全全的失去了自我。身边的朋友看到我这个样子,离我越来越远了,我已经懒的回email了,后来连邮箱都不敢开了,我害怕老师会来追问我,我成了孤家寡人。

每隔几个月你会来看我一次,只有那个时候我才是个看起来正常的人,又会笑会动了。因为我知道你喜欢我这个样子,所以打起精神来也要做到。后来,老师正式寄来了书面的通知信,告诉我如果再不出现,就要算我退学了。我知道这样下去不行,开始接受治疗,但是我知道没有什么能只好我的病,心理治疗师不行,药物也不行,我的癌,是你。

我知道你还在和中国的太太联系,我们常用的一个电话卡帐号里,我查过,每天都有给中国几个固定的电话的记录。其中有一个,我非常肯定,那是你在中国的家。但我又能怎么样呢?我当时 那个样子回去中国,是没法面对父母的。徐雄伟先生你这边,家里又这么多我搞不清楚状况的病人,难道我要专挑这个时候和他闹吗?

但是你知道我的挣扎吗?有过多少次,我服下大剂量的安眠药,知道自己不会死,因为美国的 OTC安眠药的致死量靠口服是很难达到的,我只想让自己睡的久一点再久一点,但是每一次沉沉睡去之后,严重的排异反应又让我不得不爬起来,不知是精神上的受虐导致了生理上的受虐感,还是什么,那种坐卧不安,辗转反侧的痛苦可能真的让我暂时忘记了生活中的苦恼。

你可曾知道我曾在冲动之下订了机票,飞去你说我们将来要一起生活的城市,我要在那里结束我的生命。当我的手浸在冰冷的冰块中失去知觉的时候,你在哪个女人的身边呢?当我已经挂好自尽用的绳子,拖着为了死的好看一点几天水米未进的身躯慢慢把头伸过去的时候,你又在哪个温柔乡之中呢。幸,或着是不幸,我还是没有超脱到能够一死了之,因为没出息的我还是这样的牵挂你。

这样的日子不知过了多久,终于挨到毕业了 。


还有更多的谎言吗?

毕业之后,我本来打算回国的,我知道回国之后,起码我可以有一个新的环境忘掉你。但你要我慎重,回去容易出来难,我们将来还有大好生活要一起在这里过呢。你一次次承诺,你和你的现在的太太不过是形式上的婚姻,正在离婚的过程中,但由于对方需要很多很多的钱,你拿不出来,所以僵持在那里。我让自己吃下你的迷魂药,继续沉沦。

毕业之后,我又搬家了,没有看到你给我承诺的 graduation gift,就连你以前说是为"我们"租下的"高级"公寓也不见了,因为那间公寓本来就不是你租的,你公司的大老板为了藏娇已经把它占用了。我只得按天租的旧家庭旅馆中分租的小小一间,就连你
也要屈尊和我分享这蜗居了。你告诉我只是暂时的,我们会找好房子的。但是看了那么多,你都不满意。其实你根本一开始就和房东谈了整月租。后来你又要回中国了,你说是去找新的办法。没办法,只能让你走。我没什么积蓄,你又没有留多少钱,还好我马上找到了工。现在想来,你离开的时候,就没替我想过如果下个月到期了,我又没钱付房租会怎么样。从那以后你再没有付过房租。当然你回来还是要住在这里的。但是我却看到了让我心痛到麻木的一幕,就在我在这边挣扎着要活下去的时候,你带着太太和小孩和你老板和他的二奶在中国游山玩水,居然还存照留念!

我真的忍受不了了。面对我的质问,你说不是我表面看到的那个样子,你太太知道你在外面有人已经要和你离婚了,你告诉我,在中国你是实在没钱了才会回家去住,以前都是在外面住的。你这样做都是为了我们呀。你太太因为需要太多的钱,还要现金,你拿不出来。据你说,由于我的原因,你已经彻底和太太分局了,搬出来和父母住了。我当时真的好内疚呀,终于做了自己所不齿 的那种人!

但是还有更荒唐的,你以前叫我给中国Z 城的一个人wire过几次钱,你说是你在中国的工程师。但其实呢?是你在 Z城欠下的另一笔风流债而已,那个女孩子从19岁开始跟着你,连孩子都生了。结果呢?

如果不是你这次急吼吼的要回中国去,我还会继续蒙在鼓里呢。你真的是去和venture谈判吗?怎么会一家7 口,老老小小的去烟台旅游呢?我打去电话的时候,你一定很吃惊吧,温柔的小猫怎么发威了。那是因为我真的心痛到爆炸了。我究竟变成了什么样子?连我自己都认不出了。你说我 push you to the corner,但你又让我置身何处呢?

我爱你到失去自我,失去一切,结果又怎么样呢,不过是更多的谎言 。


写在后面的话

我写这篇文章的目的是为了清算自己过去的感情,埋葬过去开始新生。刻意用徐雄伟先生这样一个称呼是某个"过来人"给我的灵感,也是为了控制距离感,很多时候沉浸在回忆当中太过投入,会根本无法继续,但到后来还是控制不住居然转变成第二人称了。所以后半部分越写越散了,只顾了感情上的发泄,很多东西都没有表述出来。当然很多更离谱的发现由于我没办法核实,就不提了。从某种角度来说,我在感情上还是不太成熟。

由于只是清算我和徐雄伟先生之间的感情,所以有关别人的事情就不具体展开了。但是我要说的是,在知道了事情的真相之后,我并不认为自己对徐先生和他第二任"太太"的"家庭"造成了任何的伤害,我不想用任何笔墨来描述我所知道的她这个"过来人"
和他所组成的"家庭",因为无论我说什么都会被认做主观武断,所以不如不说。但我对她没有一丝的内疚,不要问我为什么,他们两个真正一对"绝配",再加上娘家亲友团助阵,堪称"完美"表演。我还真没她那个本事,二奶转正;当然知道这一切之后,我躲还来不及呢,更别提夺人所"爱"了。

本来只是写感情上的事,不想提到金钱,但是还是要说一句,麻烦徐先生暂停一下失踪游戏,回来处理一下你留下的烂摊子,然后赶紧走人,我没时间配你玩了。

最后想提醒一下各位还深陷情海不能自拔的姐妹,看好属于自己的东西。徐雄伟先生给我造成的物质伤害可能要很长时间才能清算干净,精神上的伤害更是难以记数。

最糟糕的是和他在一起,常常不得不配合他虚荣伪善的表演,明明自己没车没房,开一辆二老板白送的二手车,和女朋友挤在临时旅馆里,还要告诉所有的人自己住在犹太人的富人区,当然爱清洁把快 10年的免费旧车打扮的光洁一新是好习惯,值得表扬。自己升级"读"名校不算,嫌女朋友工作不在大公司,干脆直接让我继续"读"名校了。用他自己的话,他早就是犹太财团的合伙人,但是那个公司常驻人员只有两个老板加两个合伙人的儿子各一个,还经常全部不在办公室,哦当然还有徐雄伟先生这位身为契儿的重要"合伙人"啦,但不知道为什么他拿不到分成,不知道从什么时候开始连工资也没有一分了呢?徐先生总是教育我,要做事要善始善终,但是借我的 social开了移动电话,打出了几千块美金的欠费他就忙的没时间替我善终了,当然他忙也是为了"我们"的明天,我应该理解配合,"cuz no big deal"将来有钱了 "couple hundred bucks, an attorney can settle this!" 为了做生意光鲜,去off saks和nordstorm买suits, burberry,calvin klein 和joseph abboud 是搞定了,付帐的时候为了省钱,(saks有很大的first time discount),要女朋友开store 的 account。因为徐先生自己的credit 是肯定过不了关的,以前欠帐被 collection company追的上法庭,但还是咬着牙没还钱。连checking account都不敢开,因为一开就被冻住,已经两次了,当然冻住也没多少,每次余额不超过500块。要不也不会要我去给中国Z 城的W 姑娘和他们共同的女儿汇钱,当然告诉我的时候W已经摇身变成他雇佣的工程师了,造人工程师乎?至于他每回中国必戴的犹太人yarmukles小帽子不过是他的心理护身符罢了。他有一张戴着yarmukle的照片还上中国报纸了呢,上海商报 2005年 11月3日,星期四 A23版,有兴趣的去瞻仰一下,当然这张照片距离全面展示他的风采还差的太远。而且这距离他的梦想登上Times 的Cover 还差的很远,但在他和他众多亲爱的记者朋友的努力之下,也算向着目标迈进了吧。实话实说,他可以说是个独具风神的男性,也确实有点才华,但是做人就太哎呀了。又扯远了,不过终于大澈大悟之后,多点感慨也正常吧。很多时候,身陷其中的时候不察觉,突然醒悟后,往回看看过去的一切又是那么难以令人置信的滑稽,当然我早已痛的笑不出了。转回话题,还是希望下一个不幸被他俘获的猎物能鉴定一下,徐先生是不是至少从外观可辩的形式上 converted to jewish 了。据我这个外行所知,大多数的犹太教派对circumcision还是要求的吧?当然他回来美国就不带敢戴yarmukles了,到了犹太人聚居的大城市更是连下飞机时本来戴的好好的也要摘掉,因为有很多正统的orthodox jewish ,被看到不合规矩的行为是会被围起来羞辱吐口水的(我自己没见过,是他讲给我听的哦)。令我最最尴尬的还是当着我的面,在他唯一的好朋友 Z先生面前替我搬家到高尚住宅区,升级到名校,连作业paper都替我安排好了!我真的无言以对呀,找地缝儿又没有,只能傻笑,真的很抱歉,其实您没发现我当时已经结结巴巴举无错了吗?也顺便非常抱歉一下自己在冲动的时候给别人造成的很多不便。

呼呼,傻女的这样一场恶梦终于醒了。我知道徐雄伟先生在看了这篇东西之后会怎么形容我,甚至我可以想象在他的下一个猎物发现这一切的时候,徐先生在试图挽回的时候会怎样的声情并茂的把我归入众多个毁掉他一生的 evil女性之中。言犹在耳呀!可我没有别的选择,被他"push to the corner"的时候,我只能从"恶"如流。

----------------------------------------------------------------------------
这个不是错别字,我对徐雄伟先生没有一丝的仇恨,我非常的理解他。我们只是不同种的人,我一再的委屈迁就造成了我们之间极为合拍的假相,但现在,是时候分开了。
--

※ 来源:·BBS 未名空间站 http://mitbbs.com·[FROM: 24.215.]


发信人: madisonwolf (麻婆豆腐), 信区: Overseas
标 题: Re: 我的爱恨情愁,祭奠我失去的青春,兼揭露一个丑恶的男人
发信站: BBS 未名空间站 (Tue Aug 29 20:34:53 2006)

继续爆料。
HSIONGWEI HSU 徐雄伟
住GREAT NECK,NY
干爹的公司也在GREAT NECK,NY
名称 RIMCO. LLC 很小的房地产公司 http://www.rimco-llc.com/

他自己的公司叫SCIGUARD
http://www.sciguard.com/chinese/home.htm
中国叫集安集团,集装箱安全系统SCI
--

※ 来源:·BBS 未名空间站 http://mitbbs.com·[FROM: 128.125.]


alternative source

Tuesday, August 29, 2006

University of Beijing

Beijing University's English professors suddenly noticed a big problem of the name of the school. According to an August 28, 2006 Huachen News article, Beijing University will 'formalize' its name to 'University of Beijing'. Study by Beijing University scholars showed that in English, 'Beijing University' sounds like an oral simplification, while 'University of Beijing' sounds formal (and prestigious).

The Seagull found this very funny; but the sad part of the story was that it's not a joke. The Seagull learned this news from XYS.

Monday, August 28, 2006

Revenge of the iPods City

The Mail on Sunday articles 'iPod City' on June 11, 2006 and 'The iPod's Incredible Journey' on June 15, 2006 portrayed an unbelievable chilling working condition where iPods were made in a mainland China company run by Taiwan based Foxconn.

Apply launched an investigation, and subsequently found 'no problem' based on it's suppliers' code of conduct.

On June 15, 2006, a Chinese Business News (CBN) article detailed violations of Chinese labor laws in the Hon Hai Precision Industry's Foxconn plant.

On August 18, 2006, Apple found the plant violated it's code of conduct.

Even though the Taiwan-based Foxconn admitted labor law violations, it went on to take the two Chinese journalists, editor Wong Bao and reporter Wang You, to the court, asking 30 million RMB Yuan. As a procedure of the civil lawsuit filed at the Shenzhen Middle People's Court, Foxconn had the court freeze personal properties of the two journalists.

The whole case was bazaar in the sense that CBN was not the news agency originally broke out the story (which was the British media), nor is it the only Chinese media ran report on the overtime work situation at Foxconn. It was targeted anyway. Even more, Chinese law protected journalist from legal retaliation by only allowing the news agency, not the individual to be sued (article 6 of the Supreme Court's 'Opinion on defamation cases' in 1993), but the journalists was sued as individual anyway in this case.

The Hon Hai Precision ranked 206 in this years Forbes 500. Foxconn has partnership with Apple, Motorola, Nokia, IBM and Sony, etc.

Sunday, August 27, 2006

A Journalist's Conjecture


A professor of business journalism at the Columbia University, Sylvia Nasar has been known for her emotional writing style, as evident in her award winning book 'A Beautiful Mind' on American mathematician John Forbes Nash. However, her recent New Yorker article on the grand prusuite of a proof of the Poincare Conjecture was a controversy on journalism ethics. The article was titled MANIFOLDDESTINY---A legendary problem and the battle over who solved it. It was published on August 28, 2006.

Probably resonant on the lonely journey of Nash, Nasar felt an obligation in proving the deserveed credit to a reclusive Russian mathemacian Perelman. Perelman drew attention around the world after he posted on Internet three notes in 2002 and 2003. The Poincare Conjecture is a foundamental math problem with broad applications. It is also one of seven millennuim problems selected by the Clay Institution with a one million dollors award each. Many mathematicians consider Parelman's notes, although incomplete, elimiated the last obsticle in the path set by Hamilton. Parelman declined the Fields Medal awarded to him by the IMU. The Fields Medal is seen as the equivalent of Nobel Prize in mathematics. Not to metioned that he lost his position at a St. Petersburg research institute not long ago.

Although people agree the importance of Parelman's notes, not everyone agree on the weight of the importance. Parelman did not give a idea on how to solve a key issue of the proof, but did not give any detailed work. As a more than 100 years old problem, other people also contributed to the proof. Among them, Yau, Hamilton and Thuson are the pomient ones.

Yau, a Fields Medal receipent, is a founder of string theory. Hamilton developped the Racci Flow, which was immediately noticed by Yau to be a long-awaited tool to solve the Poincare Conjecture. Yau encouraged Hamilton to work on the Conjecture. Yau also advaocated among his Chinese followers to work on the Conjecture with Racci Flow. Parelman's notes pointed out he actually solved the problem with a smart technique on Racci Flow. Mathematicians around the world had been excited on Parelman's notes, but few could tell whether it's correct or not. In 2003, two independent groups of top mathematicians contracted by the Clay Institute to study the correctness and completeness of Parelmans's notes. In 2004, another group of mathematicians were sponsored by the NSF to join the effort. The third group C-Z was able to present a complete proof first in 2006 with a 328 pages publications on the Asian Journal of Mathematics, of which Yau is the chief-eidtor. Yau considers C-Z's finished the last brick in the building of mansion. In science, people often say the details is the devil. Many common sense has never been pproved by serious proof, or may never be.

Nasar disagrees. In order to give all credits to Parelman, she has to remove Yau from the picture, which would be hard. In stead of confronting Yau's contribution, she lauched a smear campaign by throwing personal attacks and making up rumors. In an article presumbly about the Poincare Conjecture, Nasar threw in a lengthy story telling on personal disputes between Yau and one of his students, as well as Yau's ambitious to replace late Chern as Chinese leader in the math world.

Nasar understood negative comments from Yau's enemies did not build a good case, and that she had to go the dark force. In a move doomed to stun the world, Nasar posed herself as a Yau's fans to approach Yau's friends and collaborators seeking their opinions on Yau. Their commenets were exploited in a smear compaign against Yau in her New Yorker Article. After the article was published, her interviewees were furious to find what's in the print. Alas, too late.

Nasar devided her article into three parts, of which the thrid part was totally used on personal attackes on Yau, build on comments from Dr. San Stoock of MIT. In the interview when Nasar posed as a fans of Yau, Stoock told her that he was worried on Yau, because of his courage in fighting with corruptions. When the comments came to print in Nasar's article, it trunned to a total smear against Yau. No one explained it better than Stoock's own Statement,

Clarification

I, like several others whom Sylvia Nasar interviewed, am shocked and angered by the article which she and Gruber wrote for the New Yorker. Having seen Yau in action during his June conference on string theory, Nasar led me to believe that she was fascinated by S-T Yau and asked me my opinion about his activities. I told her that I greatly admire Yau's efforts to support young Chinese mathematicians and to break down the ossified power structure in the Chinese academic establishment. I then told her that I sometimes have doubts about his methodology. In particular, I told her that, at least to my ears, Yau weakens his case and lays himself open to his enemies by sounding too self-promoting.

As it appears in her article, she has purposefully distorted my statementand made it unforgivably misleading. Like the rest of us, Yau has his faults, but, unlike most of us, his virtues outweigh his faults. Unfortunately, Nasar used my statement to bolster her case that the opposite is true, and for this I cannot forgive her.


Michael Anderson of the SUNY Stony Brook was another victim of Nasar. Returnned from a Eurpoean trip, Anderson was furious finding his candit comments was misquoted by Nasar in her article:

Dear Yau,

I am furious, and completely shocked, at what Sylvia Nasar wrote. Her quote of me is completely wrong and baseless. There are other factual mistakes in the article, in addition to those you pointed out.

I have left her phone and email messages this evening and hope to speak to her tomorrow at the latest to clear this up. I want her to remove this statement completely from the article. It serves no purpose and contains no factual information; I view it as stupid gossip unworthy of a paper like the New Yorker. At the moment, the print version has not appeared and so it might be possible to fix this still. I spent several hours with S. Nasar on the phone talking about Perelman, Poincare, etc but it seems I was too naive (and I'm now disgusted) in believing this journalist would report factually.

I regret very much this quote falsely attributed to me and will do whatever I can to have it removed.

I will keep you informed as I know more.

Yours, Michael


What exactly have been said behind that closed doors would probably be a Rashomon. That might be a tape recorder silently rotating, but we may not know the contents for another hundred years. There could be many cheap execuses such as third party privacy, confidentiality or simply protection of her source. But what's in the article has ireversably stired the otherwise silient world of mathematicians. Questions have been bouncing around nonetheless: "Where is the integrety?"

Less than a month ago, the Reuters fired a contract photographer on a doctered photo with intensified black smoke rising from debrits in Beiruit after Isreal bombing. The one million dollor question is, do they teach Journalism Ethics at Columbia?

Wednesday, August 23, 2006

Porn Site Modelling Site, Update 4

The defenders of the site are launching a two front war (warning, graphic link). On one hand, they blamed the overreaction of Chinese Netizens on the link with anti-Japanese sentiment; on the other hand, they argued that it's a legal business in the US, aided by this 8/20/2006 The New York Times article.

Tallest Cities in China

A list of tallest cities in China, ranked by number of buildings (including those under construction) that are higher than 150 meters:


  1. Shanghai: 81;
  2. Guangzhou: 50;
  3. Shenzhen: 46;
  4. Chongqing: 37;
  5. Nanjing: 27;
  6. Beijing: 18;
  7. Wuhan: 14;
  8. Qingdao: 11;
  9. Tianjin: 10;
  10. Dalian: 9


The ranking was composed from incomplete data at SkycraperPage.com. Some other cities for comparision: New York city (200), Chicago (91), Hong Kong (130), Taipei (5), Macau (3).

Tuesday, August 22, 2006

Child Porn Site, Update 3

The incident has a new twist when a representative of the Endless Forest Company called the Morning News (link contains pictures may not be suitable for people under 21 years old) from the US in an effort to clarify some 'culture differences'. Mr. Lee sent the reporter some child porn pictures he found on US porn site to show that it's legal in the US.

The child porn sites were registered by the Endless Forest Inc. The suspect of the alleged child porn case, Mr. Yan Gaofei, is the president of the Endless Forest Company according to the company's website as well as Mr. Yan's now defunct website.

According to this Mr. Lee, the child porn site is perfectly legal according to US laws as a US based porn site. The reasons are: 1) Although the students were underage (age 12-16), but the principle of the school was aware of the picture taking; 2) Child porn is legal in the US, as long as their parents or their teachers consent; 3) Pictures with similar contents could be found on many US porn sites; 4) The site was in the US, so Chinese government do not have jurisdiction, even though it violated Chinese laws.

The Seagull has no legal capacity to verify whether it's legal or not in the US. If reader are familiar with the US regulation on Child porn, please enlighten us with your comments.

The principle of the aforementioned school denied acknowledge of the shooting of porn pictures.

The Chinese government of Henan Province told reporters that the school was not registered with the government in the year of 2004 when this happened. Therefore the government was not liable.

As many misfortunes in China, it always has a happy ending for everyone involved.

Other coverage of this case in English:
MOP Hunts Pornographers (caution: graphic);
Mainstream Media Hunt Pornographers (in details translation of Chinese reports)

Monday, August 21, 2006

Porn Site, Update 2



Xi'an is the second city identified by determined Chinese Netizens as the crime scene of the alleged child porn shooting place by matching the scenes on the offend pictures with Google Earth satellite photos. Now we know the picture on the right, cropped from the offend child porn photo found on the website, was shot in a hotel room of the Xi'an Tianyi (Heaven Wing) Hotel.

The suspect, Mr. Yan Gaofei of Florida graduated from Xi'an Jiao Tong University (XJTU).

Although the incident has stirred up the whole Chinese online community around the world, the infamous Great Fire Wall seems not alerted at all. The cutie Net cops Jingjing and Chacha were mysteriously absent from the hunting of the child porn criminal. Or maybe we shouldn't be surprised?

Friday, August 18, 2006

Porn Site Connection Confirmed


The incident that school age Chinese girls appeared on US based pornography site, begins drawing attention from traditional media, as well as officials.

Shanghai based the Morning News reported that the principle of the martial art school involved in the incident had been located by its reporters. According to Mr. Yang: Florida resident Yan Gaofei shoot the pictures in his school in year 2004. He said Mr. Yan told him he need some girls for Kungfu pictures. Mr. Yang recommended several girls between age 12 and 16. Mr. Yan took those girls to another city Zhengzhou to shoot the pictures. Mr. Yan took advantage of those girls, and shoot porn photos instead. Mr. Yang also suggested other pictures dated in 2002, 2003 and 2005 must have been taken in other schools.

Mr. Yan called Mr. Yang a few days ago mention some 'issues'.

According to a principle of another Kungfu school in the area, police from the country, metropolitan, and the province all called to obtain information. The department overseeing sports in the Henan Province already sent an investigation team on 8/16/2006, although no report has been turned in. Again, if a law enforcement officer in Florida is reading this, you should inform the authority.

Original story.

Wednesday, August 16, 2006

What are you in the eyes of US senators?


US Senator George Allen (R-Virginia) referred to an Asian cameraman as a 'macaca' in a bid to appeal to his Caucasian supporters at a campaign event, as shown in this YouTube video. Pointing at Mr. S. R. Sidarth, the only colored people among 100 some Caucasian supporters, Senator Allen was heard saying: "Let's give a welcome to Macaca here. Welcome to America and the real world of Virginia." George Allen is a GOP front-runner among 2008 presidential candidates.

Macaca is a kind of monkey mainly found in Asia. Mr. Sidarth, the cameraman was the only color people in the gathering. Being an Indian descent, he was actually born and raised in the Fairfax county, Virginia, USA. "I think he was doing it because he could and I was the only person of colour there and it was useful for him in inciting his audience," Sidarth told the Washington Post. "I was annoyed he would use my race in a political context."

Thanks to the popularity of YouTube video sharing, this has been all over the news: Google News.

While Democrats and Independents found the remarks made by Senator Allen carried racism undertone, conservative Republicans felt it stupid or in the least insensitive. Facing mounting pressure, Senator Allen said he was sorry if Sidarth was offended, but he did not regret of making the comment.

Senator Allen scheduled a campaign appearance on Wednesday afternoon with another Republican senator John McCain (R-Arizona), who refreshed American's memory with the racial slur of 'gook' when he was running for GOP's nomination for the president candidate in the year 2000. Senator McCain apologized later.

Monday, August 14, 2006

Daimlerchrysler, Get Out of China!

Daimlerchrysler ruined protected history site when they build new plant in Beijing on purpose. We don't like you, get out of China!

Even if you can bribe corrupt CCP officials, the people of China don't like you. Get out of China Now!

We will not buy your cars, Get out of China Now!!!!!

An Alleged International Child Porn Club

The following information was translated from Chinese website MOP, thread 1 & thread 2 & thread 3 & thread 4, popular online community in china. Thousands of self appointed online inspectors have been mobilized, and traces quickly emerged within days.

Because pornography is a crime punishable with jail time, the website operates only in Japanese and English. The site is also indexed in Korean. Paid members can access child porn pictures at $15 per month. The pictures of a group of underage female students age 9-15 demonstrating kung fu skills in bikini were taken in a martial art school settlement, most likely organized by the school officials. The websites are registered by a person live in Florida.

The child porn site is registered by Endless forest, Inc, by its CEO Mr. Yan Gaofei, contact EMail time1116@yahoo.com. 'Yan' post a message at the CPTTM IT support forum, seeking help on billing method for a child porn site. Max Yan also post message on a Japanese porn site seeking business partners. Evidents show that Mr. Yan visited the Shaolin Kids School in Boai County, Henan Province in May 2004.

The billing solution is supplied by Ticketsclub coupled with Verotel. Club members information is kept in servers in Amsterdam, Netherlands.

By examining the EXIF info of the child porn pictures, we can tell the pictures were taken in January and June 2002, May 2004, October and November 2005, and March 2006. Cameras used include Canon Powershot S400, Olympus C720UZ and Canon Powershot S2 IS.

There is a disclaimer on the website that although it contains underage pornography, they have consents of the girls or their legal guardians.

We are not sure about the law in Japan, but the above disclaimer clearly won't cover those operators' asses in the US. Among who the Florida resident Mr. Yan Gaofei, aka Max Yan. Mr. Gao is a martial art master, chair of the martial art association in Florida. His EMail is time1116@yahoo.com, which is also the contact method for the above child porn site. His ID at Jiaoyou8, a popular online dating service, is time1116. Mr. Yan has a personal website, which has been down after the rumors were spread out. Mr. Yan operates another website of martial art. The site is still accessible at this time. His contact EMail on the site is yujz1116@yahoo.com. The Endless Forest Inc is registered in Hollywood, FL. A biography of Mr. Yan in Germany can be seen at a Chen-Taiji site. Some pictures of his Kongfu demonstration can be seen here.

It has been a grass-root movement in Chinese online community to hunt down the criminal. If you are a law enforcement officer, please take note.

Sunday, August 13, 2006

Chen Si: I have been a cheater

Mr. Chen Si is a volunteer who patrols on the Nanjing Changjiang Bridge on weekends, watch for people who try to commit suicide by jumping from the famous bridge.

The bridge is a famous local landmark. Based on an incomplete official record, at least 1,800 people had died jumping off this bridge since it was erected in 1968. In the three months between March and June 2003, 47 terminated their lives on this bridge, or 1 person every two days on average.

Mr. Chen's first rescue was all by a chance. He saw a woman standing on the edge of the bridge in 2000 when he was driving by. Obviously the woman was about to jump off. Mr. Chen went to the security guards, but was told it's so common that they wouldn't want to bother intervene. Mr. Chen saved the girl's life with help of some tourism. The girl was a college student, whose money was cheated out by a multi-market marketing scam.

In the year 2003, a relative of Mr. Chen killed himself. The man was known as an optimistic person who often cheer up other people, including Mr. Chen. Mr. Chen was puzzled by the death of such an optimistic man, and realized everything could happen in the life. Hearing the news of anther suicide jumping off the bridge, he decided to do something about it.

He has a full time job in the weekdays, and patrols the bridge in the weekends. In the past three years, he has saved 99 lives on the bridge. The government does not give him any help, and local people don't understand why he's so stupid to spend his own money and time on strangers. Furthermore he becomes more depressed the more lives he has saved. Mr. Chen realized there are many reasons people want to kill themselves. Some could be solved with help, some could not be. He saved a woman who spent her last penny on trying to treat her seriously ill son. When there's no hope at all, the woman took her son to the bridge to die together. The woman asked Mr. Chen to help sell her kidney. Mr. Chen refused, as it's illegal in China to trade body parts. 'I have been a cheater', said Mr. Chen. 'I told people lies so that they will think there's hope, but there is not'.

Wednesday, August 09, 2006

License to Kill

It has long known that westerns receive priority treatment before native citizens, and license to kill wild animals under legal protection is yet another new item on the list.

The National Bureau of Forest announced that the first auction for license to kill under-protection wild animals will be held in Chengdu on August 13, 2006. Only foreigners will be allowed to place a bid.

The animals to be killed are wild yak, argali and red deer among others. If a Chinese were found killing them, he would be shot on the scene, as many had been.

Tuesday, August 08, 2006

Photographer Fired for Tampered Picture


A freelance photographer in Beirut was fired by the Reuters for an obvious picture alteration as shown on the right.

The photographer Mr. Adnan Hajj said it was a mistake when he tried to remove marks of dust of the picture in an underlight working condition.

Friday, August 04, 2006

One Who Kills Himself Is the Real Hero

自杀者是真的英雄

许多诗人自杀了,更多的人会追问为什么。

遇到这个问题,我会借用美国女诗人普拉斯的话:“诗人的死是对诗人的再生!”来回答他们,但这不过是一句搪塞的话,说了等于没说,问题依旧是问题,答案并没有因为这句话而得以呈现。

其实,关于自杀,说得最深刻的还是加缪,他说:“真正严肃的哲学问题只有一个:自杀。判断生活是否值得经历,本身就是在回答哲学的根本问题。”

如果你有足够的悟性,这一句话已经足够解决掉所有困惑;如果你没有,那么我们继续探讨。

从大的范围来看,“上帝死了”,西方迎来了可怕的“虚无”;而在闹哄哄的中国,上帝从来就没有活过,可我们一点也不虚无,因为我们有自己的“孔夫子”,而现在“孔夫子”变成了“孔方兄”,东方陷入了可怕的“世俗”,“世俗”到了尽头,依旧会是“虚无”。因此,整个世界都被虚无笼罩。换句话就是,我们活着,没有希望,没有意义,没有未来,没有出路,没有目标,没有价值,什么都没有,只有一团糟……但这些都不能导致自杀的产生,绝望只能让人更加欣欣向荣的活着。

回到单个的个体,以前我们觉得自杀是因为痛苦。现在看来,事情远没有那么简单。痛苦肯定不是自杀的必要条件,相反,痛苦倒是活着的必要条件。痛苦或者绝望导致的自杀,其实是一种他杀。也就是说,被生活所迫、被疾病折磨、因政治迫害或经济破产而选择的自杀,统统是一种他杀。这些附带着种种条件的自杀,是极其可耻的行为。

而我们若想窥探自杀的真相,就必须先领悟人生的真相。人生就是无意义。无论你做什么,都是在浪费时间,混吃等死。人生的一切都是被注定的,被安排好的,没有什么,是我们能够说了算的,除了忍受,还是忍受。所有的意外都不意外,所有的可能都不可能,所有的选择都是被选,所有的偶然都是必然。因此,根本就没有什么是非对错,没有什么正义邪恶,没有什么英雄叛徒,没有什么圣女荡妇,没有什么忠诚欺骗,没有什么高贵下贱……所有活着的人,都是一样的,都是囚徒,都是弱者,都是可怜虫。

但是,在人的一生当中,有一件事,可以成为人主动选择的结果,那就是自杀!和艺术与宗教一样,自杀同样是解脱的途径;和艺术与宗教不同,自杀更为彻底和决绝。当然多数人没有选择自杀的勇气,更多的人则是没有理解自杀的悟性。说到底,自杀是一种反抗,是一种解放,是对神权的嘲弄,是扼住命运的咽喉。真正意义上的自杀是一种至高的境界,它是乐观的,是美好的,是坚强的,是勇敢的,是积极向上的,是充满希望的,是斗志昂扬的,是面带微笑的……所以,自杀者是真的英雄!

留给世界一具丑陋的尸首,和一切圣洁的人相遇在天堂!

Thursday, August 03, 2006

Popular Wisdom


1.骑白马的不一定是王子,他可能是唐僧。
2.带翅膀的不一定是天使,他可能是鸟人。
3.站得更高,尿得更远。
4.穿别人的鞋,走自己的路,让他们找去吧。
5.我不是随便的人,我随便起来不是人。
6.女人无所谓正派,正派的是因为受到和引诱不够;男人无所谓忠诚,忠诚的是因为背叛的筹码太低。
7.聪明的女人对付男人,而愚蠢的女人是对付女人。
8.走自己的路,让别人打车去吧。
9.水至清则无鱼,人至贱则无敌。
10.男人的最低奋斗目标是:农妇、山泉、有点田。

Wednesday, August 02, 2006

HYSIS Hoax, Update 5


The dust of the infamous SJTU HYSIS Hoax, while the university cheated the government billions of dollars with a totally faked up project in a during of 4 years has not settled. Yet another accomplice emerged.

Professor Mao Zhigang 毛志刚 of Shanghai Jiao Tong University recently told reporters, Chen Jin's project trained a large amount of researchers.

This is a very weird scenario. Professor Chen Jin, Dean of the Microelectronic College of the SJTU faked up a huge project from the very beginning, and employed the entire college in the process. As a common knowledge, nothing could be trained when faking up things. The only skill that can be trained is the skill to fake.

If anyone is doing other 'real' research, therefore be trained in the process, while working on Professor Chen's faked up project, the only reasonable induction tells us that that person knew of Professor Chen's team, the entire college of SJTU was cheating the government.

Obviously Professor Mao Zhigang was a player in the biggest academic fraud in Chinese science history.

Original story, update, update 2, update 3, update 4

Tuesday, August 01, 2006

China's Top Academic Cop Accused of Plagiarism


Slef-acclaimed Chinese academic cop Mr. Fang Shimin, aka Fang Zhouzi, lost a case in Wuhan, China. The plaintiff Mr. Xiao Chuanguo, who lost a academician-ship due to Fang's accusations on the Net received about $5,000 judgement. Mr. Xiao said he would file another law suite in the US against Dr. Fang on plagiarism violations.

Source: popyard


轰动一时的方 舟子武汉成被告案终于宣判,方舟子被判道歉并赔3万元后,起诉他的武汉教授肖传国向媒体记者披露惊天隐情----肖“是因为向美国《科学》杂志举报方舟子 ‘抄袭’遭到‘报复性打假’”。在肖和国内外一些学者的帮助下,晨报记者经过调查,最终获得了被指“抄袭”的方舟子三篇文章原文及相关英文作者文章原文。

8月1日见报的“反伪斗士”特稿,涉及方 舟 子“抄袭门”的部分,由于版面所限,且内容特殊须完整呈现,故在特稿见报前夜,在记者博客刊发相关文章中英文对比完整版。

国内部 郭翔鹤

2006年7月31日20:02

对比之一

中文部分来源:2001年10月4日《南方周末》方 舟 子文章《科学地解决道德难题?》

英文部分来源:2001年9月14 日美国《科学》杂志格林等人的论文《道德困境的功能磁共振成像(fMRI)研究》(《An fMRI Investigation of Emotional Engagement in Moral Judgment》)

方 舟 子:科学地解决道德难题?

http://www.sina.com.cn 2003年07月24日 13:37 南方周末

方 舟 子/文

当代哲学的一个任务是解决道德伦理问题,为此哲学家们经常要辩论一些假想的难题,其中较著名的一个是“电车难题”:假设有一列失控的有轨电车飞奔而来,前面有两条轨道,一条站着五个人,一条站着一个人。如果不扳道岔,电车将冲向第一条轨道压死五个人。那么是否应该扳道岔,将电车引向另一条轨道,压死上面的那一个人?大多数人会回答应该,因为牺牲一个人拯救五个人是值得的。

The present study was inspired by a family of ethical dilemmas familiar to contemporary moral philosophers. One such dilemma is the trolley dilemma: A runaway trolley is headed for five people who will be killed if it proceeds on its present course. The only way to save them is to hit a switch that will turn the trolley onto an alternate set of tracks where it will kill one person instead of five. Ought you to turn the trolley in order to save five people at the expense of one? Most people say yes.

现在,再考虑另一个难题:同样有一列失控的有轨电车飞奔而来,前方的轨道上站着五个人处于危险之中。在电车和五个人中间,隔着一座天桥,桥上站着一位陌生的大胖子。拯救这五个人的唯一办法,是把这个大胖子推下天桥,电车将他撞死后就会停下来。那么是否应该把这个人推下桥去拯救五个人?大多数人会对这个 “天桥难题”说不应该。

Now consider a similar problem, the footbridge dilemma. As before, a trolley threatens to kill five people. You are standing next to a large stranger on a footbridge that spans the tracks, in between the oncoming trolley and the five people. In this scenario, the only way to save the five people is to push this stranger off the bridge, onto the tracks below. He will die if you do this, but his body will stop the trolley from reaching the others. Ought you to save the five others by pushing this stranger to his death? Most people say no.

为什么同样是牺牲一个人拯救五个人,人们却会做出不同的道德判断?对诸如此类的问题的争论,使得哲学家们有活可干。一种经典的解释是,在“电车难题”中,牺牲掉的那个人是不幸碰巧站在另一条轨道上,并没有被直接用来拯救另五个人;而在“天桥难题” 中,胖子是直接被用来拯救五个人的,因此直接利用一个人的生命来拯救他人,是不道德的。那么我们再来看一个“电车难题”的变型:假设站着一个人的那条轨道的另一端是跟另一条轨道相连的,即形成一个回路,如果那上面没有这个人,电车会从这条轨道绕回来到另一条轨道压死五个人。在压死这个人后,电车会停下来,不会危及另五个人。在这种情况下,是否应该把电车引向站着一个人的轨道去压死他?虽然这一次,这个人是被直接利用了,大多数人仍然会回答应该。

Taken together, these two dilemmas create a puzzle for moral philosophers: What makes it morally acceptable to sacrifice one life to save five in the trolley dilemma but not in the footbridge dilemma? Many answers have been proposed. For example, one might suggest, in a Kantian vein, that the difference between these two cases lies in the fact that in the footbridge dilemma one literally uses a fellow human being as a means to some independent end, whereas in the trolley dilemma the unfortunate person just happens to be in the way. This answer, however, runs into trouble with a variant of the trolley dilemma in which the track leading to the one person loops around to connect with the track leading to the five people. Here we will suppose that without a body on the alternate track, the trolley would, if turned that way, make its way to the other track and kill the five people as well. In this variant, as in the footbridge dilemma, you would use someone's body to stop the trolley from killing the five. Most agree, nevertheless, that it is still appropriate to turn the trolley in this case in spite of the fact that here, too, we have a case of "using."

可见,“直接利用是不道德的”的解释遇到了麻烦。还有人提出了别的解释,但也都有人想到了与之相抵触的例子。至今还未找到一个能被普遍接受的解释。有心理学家认为,“天桥难题”之所以和“电车难题”的选择结果不同,是因为将一个人推下桥这种做法让人在感情上接受不了,觉得太残忍。也就是说,感情会影响人们的道德判断。但是哲学家们普遍认为,道德判断应该是在理性思考的基础上做出的,不应带着感情。

最近,美国普林斯顿大学的心理学家用实验对这个 “感情说”进行了验证。他们让试验对象对 60个难题做出决定,并用“功能性磁共振影像技术”监测大脑功能区的变化。大脑功能区被激活后,那里的血流和脑氧代谢都增加,用磁共振对大脑进行扫描就可以形象地展现大脑各个功能区的活动情况。这60个难题分为三组:一组是与人身密切相关(也即可能会调动感情)的道德难题,包括“天桥难题”和其他类似的道德难题(像偷了一个人的内脏器官去拯救五个人,是否应该?在救生艇因超载面临沉没时,是否应该把某个人扔到海里?等等);一组是与人身关系不密切或无关的非人化的道德难题,包括“电车难题”和类似的道德难题(例如捡到了钱,该不该还给失主?);还有一组做为空白对照,是与道德无关的难题(例如出门旅行,是坐汽车还是坐火车好?)。(此段为格林等人报告中的研究成果)

结果表明,人们在判断人身化道德难题时,与判断非人化道德难题和非道德难题相比,大脑中与感情有关的区域明显变得活跃,而与记忆有关的区域则活跃程度明显降低(以前的研究已表明,人们在处理感情问题时,大脑记忆区域受到抑制)。少数人对“天桥难题”这类问题做出了“应该”的回答,而他们花的时间要比那些回答“不应该”的人长得多,这也是可以理解的,他们要花更多的时间思考,让理智战胜感情。而对非人化道德难题和非道德难题,回答“应该”和“不应该”所用的时间没有差别。(此段为格林等人报告中的研究成果)

这个实验结果,对主流哲学家是个打击,他们向来主张道德判断是纯理性的,而现在却必须考虑其中的感情因素。但是,这个实验其实并没有解决这些道德难题。

The long-standing rationalist tradition in moral psychology emphasizes the role of reason in moral judgment. A more recent trend places increased emphasis on emotion. The present results raise but do not answer a more general question concerning the relation between the aforementioned philosophical and psychological puzzles

它并没有告诉人们,把一个人推下天桥救其他人是对是错,而是告诉人们,为什么人们会做出是对是错的选择。换句话说,它只是揭示了人们做道德判断时的一个心理机制。有一个问题仍然有待解决:在我们对道德判断的心理机制有了更好的理解之后,是否会影响我们的道德决定?

How will a better understanding of the mechanisms that give rise to our moral judgments alter our attitudes toward the moral judgments we make?

如果会的话,将会有怎样的影响?在我们知道对“天桥难题”的选择原来是受情绪影响后,是否会有更多的人狠下心来理智地选择“应该”?是否应该选择“应该”?哲学家们不必担心失业。

对比之二

中文部分来源:2006年6月21《北京科技报》方 舟 子文《学生剽窃 导师有责》

英文部分来源:美国网站“高校内幕”(www.insidehighered.com)署名为道格.莱德曼、发表于去年11月1日和今年6月1日的两篇文章。

学生剽窃 导师有责

方 舟 子/文

Student Plagiarism, Faculty Responsibility

美国学术界有比较规范的处理学术造假的渠道,即便如此,仍然离不开像马特卡这样的业余“打假斗士”的参与,没有他的专注和执著,整个事件就不会暴露出来。即使在事情暴露之后,校方也未必愿意认真对待,因此舆论监督也很有必要。

2003 年,托马斯•马特卡(Thomas A. Matrka)在当了十年工程师后,决定回到大学深造,成了美国俄亥俄大学工程院一名硕士研究生。他的课程学得不错,但是到了2004年夏天,他在写毕业论文时却遇到了麻烦。他的导师多次对他的论文进展表示不满。于是他到学校的图书馆翻阅该导师以前指导的研究生学位论文,想看看有没有可供借鉴之处。

In 2003, 10 years into his engineering career, he enrolled at Ohio to get a master’s degree. He got good grades, but as he worked on his thesis, he says, his adviser, M.K. Alam, the Moss Professor of Mechanical Engineering, repeatedly expressed dissatisfaction with his work. (Alam did not respond to requests for comment for this article.) Hoping for insight into projects that had previously won Alam’s approval, Matrka spent some time in the university’s library in the summer of 2004 thumbing through past theses.

这一看让他大吃一惊。他注意到不少学位论文的许多段落都非常相似,例如,有4篇分别写于1997年和1998年的论文的第三章实际上一模一样,还有一篇从以前的论文照抄了50多页。他用4个月的时间,平均每周花费 10个小时来比对这些论文,发现有44篇论文有剽窃的嫌疑。

He was struck by what he found. As he looked the papers over, Matrka says, he noted similarities — occasionally blatant, extended ones — between many of them. He discovered four theses, for example, in which the third chapters on “fluent and multiphase models” were virtually word for word. Two were from 1997 and two from 1998. Three others, from as many as six years apart, contained paragraphs and drawings that were almost identical. (Matrka provided pages from some of these theses to Inside Higher Ed for review.)

他认为在学位论文中存在如此大量的剽窃现象,导师不可能不会发现。

Some of the overlap is so obvious, he says, that it would be impossible for the professors who oversaw the theses not to have known about it.

他向工程院院长做了反映。院长说他会进行调查,但是实际上并没有采取什么行动。于是马特卡又向更高一级的学校领导反映,包括负责校纪的官员和副教务长,但是他们对此都不感兴趣,甚至劝马特卡不要多事。

The dean of Ohio’s Russ College of Engineering and Technology, Dennis Irwin……and Matrka first brought them to the attention of Irwin, who Matrka says told him that he would investigate but did not take him up on his offer to share more inxxxxation……taking his charges to the university ombuds office, an associate provost, and a number of other officials at Ohio and elsewhere. At every stage, he says, officials either have expressed little interest in what he has found, discouraged him, or said it was outside their scope of responsibility.

马特卡换了导师,通过答辩,在 2005年6月顺利毕业,获得硕士学位,离开了俄亥俄大学到一家化工厂工作。但是他继续进行“打假”,Matrka switched advisers and prepared a project thesis (“Design of an Experiment to Measure Plane Strain Flow Stress at Elevated Temperatures”) that passed muster; he earned his degree in June 2005. Though he has left the university, his campaign has continued.向俄亥俄大学理事会和高校认证机构寄去揭发材料,呼吁他们进行调查。In recent weeks, he has sent packets of materials containing examples of the alleged plagiarism to Ohio University’s Board of Regents, the Accrediting Board for Engineering and Technology, a national accreditor, and the Higher Learning Commission of the North Central Association of Colleges and Schools, which accredits Ohio University as a whole. Last month he laid out his allegations before the university’s Graduate Student Senate. 他同时也向媒体反映,借助舆论向校方施加压力。一个在2004年才创办、但是已经在美国高校中很受欢迎的网站“高校内幕”在去年11月份最早报道了这个事件。

马特卡向该网站记者出示了剽窃的证据,指出如果学校不对弄虚作假的论文做出处理的话,将会使所有的学位都跟着贬值。“我只是希望他们能够调查此事,把那些剽窃论文从公共记录中撤掉,因为保留它们会玷污所有的人。”

“They’re compromising the value of the degree of honest students by not distinguishing between the plagiarism and the honest works,” says Matrka.“I’m no expert – I’m one guy over there poking around the library. I just want them to look into it and remove these from the public record, because you’ve tainted all of us by leaving them there.”

俄亥俄大学工程院院长则对“高校内幕”的记者否认在他们的研究生中普遍存在剽窃行 为,也否认校方没有认真对待马特卡的反映。他说他已调查了马特卡反映的四五起事例,但是法律禁止他透露其细节。

The dean of Ohio’s Russ College of Engineering and Technology, Dennis Irwin, rejects Matrka’s view that a widespread plagiarism problem exists in the engineering program, and says the xxxxer student is wrong to believe that Ohio officials haven’t taken his charges seriously. The college, he says, has investigated the “four or five” cases that Matrka has brought to his attention, and while Irwin asserts that a federal student privacy law prevents him from discussing details of the review……

院长并批评了马特卡的说法,说他只会提出指控,却没有给出确凿的证据。他说马特卡之所以会对论文中的相似之处大惊小怪,是因为他不熟悉工程学论文的写法,不知道在论文中有相似的段落和插图是正常 的,不能算剽窃。

Irwin adds: “I know Mr. Matrka is not satisfied with our actions to date, but all I’ve heard are accusations, and I haven’t been presented with any evidence that those accusations are true.”Part of the problem, the dean says, may be a “different in interpretation between what [Matrka] considers to be plagiarism” and the university’s own interpretation. With technical works like engineering theses, he says, “there are going to be similarities, particularly in equations and diagrams.” He adds: “If the same two people worked on the same experiment or apparatus, it is conceivable that they would jointly develop schematic drawing of that that might be used in both of their theses.”

该院长说学校对剽窃现象是非常重视的,已采取了一些措施来加强对剽窃行为的监督,包括采用专门的软件对论文进行比较,并对学生进行学术道德教育,但是学校并不计划让教师花费时间对图书馆收藏的学位论文进行全面审核。

Irwin says college officials have also altered their policies in ways that will improve their ability to monitor potential plagiarism in student work in the future, including by requiring electronic submission and using software to check new theses against those previously xxxxted electronically. But the university has no plans, the dean says, to invest the faculty time necessary for what he calls a “witch hunt” to review the hundreds of past engineering theses and dissertations in the library.

不过,到今年2月份,俄亥俄大学工程院就改变了态度,宣布已组成一个三人委员会调查马特卡发现的44篇涉嫌剽窃的论文。在调查过程中又发现还有别的论文涉嫌剽窃,总共达55篇。到3月底,该委员会公布了其调查结果,认定其中大多数都构成不同程度的剽窃,建议将所有剽窃论文从图书馆中撤掉,让剽窃者修改其论文,否则就要吊销其文凭。马特卡批评这对剽窃者太宽宏大量了,而且也没有追究导师的责任。

……of alleged plagiarism that a college committee investigated in the wake of Matrka’s charges.……They noted that of the 55 graduate theses in which students had plagiarized their own work or others’, the vast majority were overseen by three faculty members, who “either failed to monitor the writing in their advisees’ theses or simply ignored academic honesty, integrity and basically supported academic fraudulence. We consider this most serious.”……One investigation by the engineering college’s academic honesty committee, released in March, found widespread plagiarism by graduate students but did not place any blame on professors, which Matrka said ignored a central part of the problem.

随后,学校教务长任命助理校长和教员代表会前主席组成一个独立的委员会审查这个调查结果。在5月底,审查委员会建议对剽窃者做更严厉的处罚,要求他们再次答辩并修至少一个学分的课。但是审查委员会并不认为责任应该完全由学生来承担,却放过了导师。这些剽窃论文绝大多数都是在3 名导师指导下完成的,其中一位还是机械工程系主任。审查委员会建议学校开除这位系主任以及一位有多达11名研究生剽窃的教授,并建议对一位有5名研究生剽窃的教授给予停止指导研究生两年的处罚。教务长说将对该事件做更深入的调查,并将咨询研究学术不端行为的校外专家。

professors, Meyer and Bloemer did not call for letting the plagiarists themselves off easily. ……Meyer and Bloemer said the xxxxer students should be forced to defend their theses again and to reenroll for at least one credit hour during that time. ……the vast majority were overseen by three faculty members……The review called for the dismissal of two of the professors, including the mechanical engineering department’s chairman, and to bar the third professor from overseeing theses for two years.……In addition to releasing the latest report, Ohio administrators also announced that Gary Pavela, the director of judicial programs and student ethical development at the University of Maryland and a leading expert on academic integrity, would advise the university on how to proceed with its investigation and its future policies on plagiarism, both to ensure fair treatment for the subjects of its investigations and to help it put in place policies to stop such problems in the future.

这个事件有一些值得中国读者特别注意的地方。美国学术界有比较规范的处理学术造假的渠道,即便如此,仍然离不开像马特卡这样的业余“打假斗士”的参与,没有他的专注和执著,整个事件就不会暴露出来。即使在事情暴露之后,校方也未必愿意认真对待,因此舆论监督也很有必要。奇怪的是,中国目前连处理学术造假的规范渠道都还没有建立起来,却已经有很多人反对所谓“私人打假”和“媒体炒作”了。

对于涉及学生造假的事件,美国校方一般是严厉地处罚造假学生,不给改正的机会,但如果没有证据表明导师也参与造假,一般并不追究其责任。在这个事件中却倒了过来,肇事者给与了改正的机会,而导师却很可能被不留情地开除。对于大面积的学生造假,导师很难说会完全不知情,很可能正是导师纵容乃至鼓励的结果,正如审查委员会的报道所指出的,这些导师“或者未能监督其学生的写作,或者完全忽视了学术诚信而基本上是在支持学术造假。我们认为这才是最严重的。”中国当前出现的大面积的学生造假情形与此类似,也应该首先追究教师疏于管教、纵容、鼓励、包庇的责任。

对比之三

中文部分来源:2004年9月号《科学世界》杂志方 舟 子文章《植物中的神秘数字》。

英文部分来源:英国网站www.mcs.surrey.ac.uk署名“容.诺特”的文章。

假定你有一雄一雌一对刚出生的兔子,它们在长到一个月大小时开始交配,在第二月结束时,雌兔子产下另一对兔子,过了一个月后它们也开始繁殖,如此这般持续下去。每只雌兔在开始繁殖时每月都产下一对兔子,假定没有兔子死亡,在一年后总共会有多少对兔子?

Suppose a newly-born pair of rabbits, one male, one female, are put in a field. Rabbits are able to mate at the age of one month so that at the end of its second month a female can produce another pair of rabbits. Suppose that our rabbits never die and that the female always produces one new pair (one male, one female) every month from the second month on. The puzzle that Fibonacci posed was... "How many pairs will there be in one year?

Dog bited Dog


'Cheng Guan' or city marshal is a cancer in modern China city. They are set up as the complimentary crook wing of law enforcement agencies, while they are a clear violation of the constitution and laws.

They made the city cleaner, but at the cost of regular human rights violations, including beaten, torture, robery and death of innocent people.

Good news: according to the Southern Metropolitan, a daily newspaper based in Guangzhou, Guangdong, two groups of 'Cheng Guan' clashed over business interests on July 31, 2006 in Guangzhou. One group was caught, and striped on the street.:-)

J10's Cost


The cost for PLAA acquiring the new domestic made J10 fighter was revealed in an internal research paper. It was estimated in the 2003 paper that the purchasing price is about $29 million a piece, and the annual maintenance cost is around $4 million. The per hour operational cost is at $20,000.

In comparison, the purchasing price of Su-27 flanker is $35 million a piece with annual maintenance cost at over 5 million. Per hour operational cost of the Su-27 is around $26,000.

J10 is the cheaper and multitasking fighter of PLAA. The Russian made Su-27 and its Chinese version J11 is the higher part of the high-low pairings of the PLAA.

Astronaut Dies


Charles Brady fatally shot himself after a quarrel with his fiancee in woods in his house in Orcas Island of Washington State on July 23, 2006.

Charles was born on August 12, 1951. He flew on STS-78 in 1996 and logged over 405 hours in space. STS-78 Columbia (June 20 to July 7, 1996) was the longest Space Shuttle mission to date.